The Holidays and Infertility

The holidays can be a particularly challenging time for those navigating infertility. The constant reminders of pregnancy, babies, and family gatherings can feel like a painful juxtaposition to your own struggles to conceive. But I'm here to tell you that you don't have to let the holidays break you. In fact, this season can be an opportunity to prioritize your self-care, set healthy boundaries, and find pockets of joy amidst the struggle.

Open up to people in your circle.
As someone who has been there myself, I know how isolating and emotionally draining infertility can feel, especially during the holidays. When my husband and I were trying to get pregnant, I was in the midst of my medical training, and we had experienced four devastating losses before finally welcoming our daughter, Campbell, nine years ago. During that time, I grew increasingly isolated, as I hadn't shared our struggles with many people. It wasn't until I started opening up to my closest friends and family that I was able to receive the support I so desperately needed.

Communicate and Set Boundaries
First and foremost, be gentle with yourself. The holidays bring a lot of social obligations and family time, which can feel draining when you're already emotionally depleted from fertility treatments or losses. It's okay to say no. In fact, I encourage you to get really intentional about where you're spending your time and energy. If attending a baby shower or family gathering is going to leave you feeling raw and resentful, politely decline. Offer an alternative - maybe you can get coffee with that friend another time, or host an intimate dinner with just your partner. The key is communicating your needs and setting boundaries that protect your mental health.

Find joy where you can.
Please, don't isolate yourself entirely. While it's understandable to want to withdraw, having a strong support system can make all the difference during this journey. Identify the people in your life who you trust and who will show up for you, and let them in. Share what you're going through, and give them concrete ways they can support you, whether that's accompanying you to appointments, bringing you a meal, or simply being a listening ear. You don't have to go through this alone. In the midst of all the challenges, I also encourage you to seek out moments of joy. What activities or traditions truly fill your cup, even in small ways? Maybe it's decorating the Christmas tree, driving around to look at holiday lights, or baking festive treats. Lean into those things, without guilt or pressure. The holidays don't have to be perfect - they just need to nurture your soul.

My hope for you.
Ultimately, my hope for you this holiday season is that you can find moments of peace, self-compassion, and yes, even joy. You are doing the brave and difficult work of navigating infertility, and that deserves to be honored. Be kind to yourself, set boundaries that serve you, and seek out the people and activities that fill your cup. The path to parenthood may look different than you imagined, but the love and resilience you're cultivating will serve you well, no matter what.